Me and my gurl, hanging out in the Sub at the cem.

Goodwill Find

I found more than bargained for at Goodwill.  I have changed the names out of respect.

- Author Unknown -

            I am Asel’s friend Jenny.  I was honored when asked by Asel’s family to speak today.  You see, I am one of the privileged few that were lucky enough to be called her friend.  Years ago, when Asel first found out that she had cancer we had many emotional and tearful conversations.  She had mentioned during one of these that she would want a different kind of memorial, if indeed her worst fears had come to be.  She had asked me in her very persuasive way to be a speaker today.

            So, because I would do anything for my friend, I am going to put all my strength and all of her courage into this eulogy.

            Asel and I meet about 17 years ago while attending the University of Pittsburgh.  We were introduced through a mutual friend at the time and immediately “clicked.”  I did not know then that a true friendship had begun.  You see Asel and I worked while in school at this dive bar in North Oakland where many interesting people would gather.  To describe this place, where we worked is quite difficult.  It had tested [us] and shaped a lot of us [into] who [we] were and in the meantime had given us many memories, moments, strange people and funny situations to refer back to and laugh about for years to come.  Asel was of course everyone’s favorite.  She was always happy and knew just the right thing to say to someone who was giving her a hard time.  If you know Asel well, you know what I mean.  She had a way of letting people know that they were wrong and would always choose some wise wording to nicely correct hem.  Because of this I would witness even the most unhappy customers be dumbfounded and speechless after she was done, nicely and with a smile, putting them in their place.  Asel was truly a happy person.  She saw things in people that were beyond what most of [us] just take at face value.  It was a true gift.  Her kindness and empathy were always there but her ability to laugh and joke about people and their shortcomings would keep us laughing, never in a mean spirited way because that did not exist in her.

            Our paths over these 17 years have been very different.  But Asel and I never forgot those days in college, working hard to pay our rent and those moments of typical college life, partying, drinking and having fun…we…always studying, partying and having fun.

            Then things changed quickly for Asel and I.  Our relationship would turn down another path.  She would become a wife and a mother and I would continue struggling through school.

            Asel was thrilled to find out that she was pregnant with Michael.  She moved to a small town and I would visit often with food, that she was craving and keep her up [on] the latest gossip, on stories from the bar.  I was always in awe of her confidence and ease at becoming a mother.  This of course, five children later, we now know why.  Her greatest love, biggest accomplishment, and most thankful blessing are her children.  This path would be her reason she gave for being here and it would also be her reason for fighting so hard to stay.  Her family meant the world to her.  This of course included her greatest find…you Josh.  Asel’s path from being pregnant with Michael, then William, then Kevin and then Jennifer had led her to Josh.  A man that she had described to me as too good to be true.  I will never forget her calling and telling me about you Josh.  She described a handsome, well dressed, fun and loving person.  We laughed at your perfection.  In fact we would soon analyze you as most good friends do in all of these wonderfully true and honest phone conversations that we would have over the years.  You see Asel and I did not live close by, as our paths had changed, but we remained close by our phone calls that could last for hours.  These conversations I am going to really miss.  I have never had a friend listen, be honest, be emotional and share so many experiences both of joy and sadness and always have an open heart and mind.  This was a unique friendship in so many ways.  These conversations lead me back to you Josh, hours were spent analyzing and deciding if you were up for this great task, being Asel’s partner also meant allowing you enter into her most sacred life that she had so carefully created for her children.  She with all of her heart told me how much she loved, trusted and respected you for wanting to join her family.  You were crazy…So a new path had begun and as you were married and those of us that sat and witnessed your ceremony knew that a true commitment to love had been made.  Never did anyone know where this journey would lead but so it was to begin with a small miracle and blessing…named Elizabeth.

            So this family was now complete and Asel’s struggle would begin.  Her family has been through so much and remained so strong.  She would not have it any other way.  Her personality would trick you into thinking that she was not sick.  She was so positive and her courage remarkable.  I tell people of her strength and they say they don’t know if given a similar circumstance they could fight as hard.  She did it for her children, her husband, her parents, grandparents and for you Joanne and John.  You see Asel knew how important she was in all of our lives.  We would laugh and joke about our spouses and say that they were so lucky to have us as wives.  It was funny and maybe a little self centered but it was for fun and really at [the] heart of [it] all, those conversations were the realities of us knowing how lucky we really were.

            Asel’s faith never wavered during her battle with her disease.  I had a conversation years ago when this first began that I want to share with you and especially with her children.

            Asel told me that if this path, that she was on, would ultimately take her from her family that she would want them to know this.  She would not want you be angry.  She would not want you to blame God.  She would want all of her positive energy and happiness to consume us and ease our sadness.  You see it is not that she didn’t want us to miss her, she does, and we will, but her point was; that her strong faith in God, and the small miracles that have come her way, need to be remembered and acknowledged.

            She wants her family and friends to be strong for her husband and children and although many tears will be shed, knowing that she is at peace with her God in heaven, should comfort us all.

            I miss my friend and thankfully because of Josh got to see and tell her one last time that I loved her.  She responded with those same words that I will cherish for the rest of my life, “You see our paths may have been different but when they crossed 17 years ago this was a true blessing for me.”  I prayed the other night for her to have peace and I thanked God for allowing this wonderful, happy, loving and honest person to be a part of my life.  I was not able to be a part of her daily life but we knew and thought of each other often.  I would call or she would and say, “I was just thinking about you.”  I can’t believe you called.  We were connected and always will be.

            One last story, Asel, because of her faith, was a big believer in strange occurrences that had no human explanation and we had many conversations that if ever heard, may have had us both in mental institutions.  But she told me that when in heaven if she could communicate with me that she would try her best to convince God that she should be allowed to do so!  We laughed and cried because at the time neither of us thought this would ever happen.  Well last Saturday morning when I woke up Scott had called with the news of her passing.  I had gone to my back door to go outside to be alone when I saw an albino pheasant on my patio.  It would not leave and finally, slowly, but not frightened of me, walked down into the woods behind my home.  I did not think much of this until speaking to someone about what I saw.  This man, who is a hunter, said never did he [see] such a sight.  A true rarity.  Later that day, as I was distracted with something, a pure white butterfly flew outside my window, trying to get my attention and it did.  At that moment I knew…that she was with me…and she will always be with us… 

Ah, finally, restored and confirmed, very happy.

It is up and running, I should have counted the rolls of film and the prints along the way.  I have had so much fun learning and just enjoying the process, life is good.